


Silent Lucidity (Logan)

by redfenix



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: F/M, POV Male Character, redshipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-24
Updated: 2004-01-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 16:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redfenix/pseuds/redfenix





	Silent Lucidity (Logan)

_I’m inside your head, Logan._

_Then get out._

_I can’t._

_Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?_ Silence _. I think it’s more that you won’t – not can’t._

I heard her sigh. _You’re right. I won’t_.

_Maybe you aren’t welcome._

_Then I apologize._

I could feel the faint humming that was in my head whenever she was there start to fade.

 _Don’t go, Jean._ I thought. I didn’t want her in my head. But I didn’t not want her there either.

 _I’m here Logan_.

_Why?_

_I’m trying to help you._

_Maybe I don’t want help._

_You may not want it, but you need it._

_Says who?_

_You._

_What the hell are you talking about? I never said that._

_You didn’t have to._

I grumbled under my breath. I was never going to get used to these invasions in my head. What the hell was so important about my head anyway? There wasn’t anything special about me. I was just some loner who was trying to figure out his past.

_I want to help you find out your past Logan._

_Well, you’re down the hall, and I’m here. What are you gonna do, teleport over here?_

She chuckled. _No, I want to try something the Professor has been teaching me. Just relax._

“Yeah right. Relax she says.” I said aloud to the empty room. I reluctantly sighed, and tried to settled more comfortably on the mattress. Images started flashing through my head at breakneck speed. I flinched as each one came and went.

A body lying on a table covered with a sheet.

A face covered with markings.

A body floating in a tank.

IV tubes and medical instruments.

The sound of a man screaming shattered the images and all I saw was black.

_Jean?_

_I’m still here Logan._ I could hear her panting slightly. Taken aback by the images she saw.

_What did you see?_

I knew what I saw, but I wanted to know if she saw the same thing. I would spare her the cruelty I had apparently suffered if I could. I couldn’t save myself, but I could save her.

_Oh my god Logan. I’m so sorry._

_Why?_

_It must have been awful._

_I don’t remember. It just comes in flashes when I sleep._

_Then I caused you to see the images that time, I apologize._

_I’m used to them now._

_You shouldn’t have to be. No one should have to endure that kind of torture._

_Yeah well, I ain’t everybody._

“No, but you are someone.” My eyes flew open, the distinct *snikt* of my claws sounded in the room as they slid into place. Her voice so close, startling me. I wasn’t aware that I was concentrating so hard on her voice in my head that she had walked into my room, and was standing next to my bed.

“Dammit Jean. What is it with you? Walking into people’s heads and rooms without asking.”  Not that I minded her being there. I just didn’t like someone coming in unannounced. I sat up and felt the adamantium slide back into place through my knuckles.

Rubbing my hands over my knuckles, I looked up at her and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

She sat down on the bed next to me and placed one of her hands on my cheek, turning my face towards hers. “Logan.” She said as she leaned in and gently touched her lips to mine.

I grunted softly and brought both of my hands up to cradle her face, moving to deepen the kiss.

_I want to take your pain away Logan._

A clattering noise came from the hallway, startling us both. She jumped up from her seat next to me and hastily dropped her hands to her side.

Nothing.

There was nothing there.

The door slammed and the locked clicked as the key was turned in the lock. I looked back at Jean and realized that I couldn’t do this. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.

She walked towards me, but I put up my hands in front of my in defense to keep her away from me. “Jean, I can’t.”

A look of puzzlement crossed her face. “Logan?”

“I just can’t. It wouldn’t be right.”

Voices boomed in my head.

 

_You going to tell me to stay away from your girl?_

_If I had to do that, she wouldn’t be my girl._

_Well, then I guess you’ve got nothing to worry about, do ya, Cyclops?_

_It must burn you up that a boy like me saved you life, huh? Gotta be careful. Might not be there next time.  Oh, and Logan…stay away from my girl._

 

A look of hurt came over her face. I stood up and walked across the room. Turning to her, I sighed heavily. “See what I mean?”

The next thing I knew, she launched herself at me and was in my arms. Crushing her mouth down on mine. I slid my hands from around her waist and around to her lower back.

 _Logan_ _, I can’t not do this. I have to_. Her voice shouted out in my head. _I’ve never felt like this, and I need to do something about it or I’m going to explode._

Her hands were gliding up my arms and made their way up to run through my hair. I dropped my hands down to clasp her butt and lifted her up off the ground. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I reached up to run a hand through her hair. I was losing it, fast – and enjoying every minute of it.

Suddenly, a voice came back into my head.

_Stay away from my girl._

I gasped and broke the physical connection between us. Shoving her off of me and dropping her to the ground. The look on her face telling me she was still in my head, and had heard the voice.

“Go away Jean,” I said as I stormed past her to stand next to the door.

“No.”

I snapped back my head to look at her. The ‘snikt’ of my claws reverberated off the walls, booming in the silence. Dammit, if she wouldn’t leave on her own – I was going to scare her into leaving.

_You don’t scare me Logan._

_Yeah, well – that’s gonna change._

_No it won’t._

_Says who?_

She walked over to me and stopped just inches from my nose. “Me.” She reached between us and jerked the string on my sweatpants loose.  I hastily retracted my claws and made an awkward grab for my pants.

She grabbed my hands, preventing me from catching them in time and they silently fell to the floor.

“Jean.”

She smiled and let out a slight laugh. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it all before.”

I frowned at her, puzzled. Seen it before? What was she talking about? I’d only been here for half a day.

“I’m talking about you.  Who do you think got you out of those wet clothes and into those sweatpants?

I looked down at the pants in question, and glanced back up at her. “I figured – “ _Scott._ I left his name unsaid. Realization dawned on me. I smiled and chuckled slightly. “Ahh, I see. So you figure now that you’ve already seen the goods, you want your hands on them, huh? But that ain’t exactly fair, is it?”

I reached up and ran my hands through her hair again. She closed her eyes, dropped her head back and reveled in the sensation. “No it’s not.” She said.

I ran my lips up her neck and lifted her head so she was looking directly into my eyes. “Well, being the fair kind of guy that I am…” I trailed off as I ran my thumb lightly over her hips. “..I would think it only right..” I kissed her lightly on the mouth, “..that I have my turn.”

I inhaled her scent softly, wanting to commit it to memory. I didn’t want her scent to be something that came back to me in flashes in the middle of the night. “I can’t remember anything about my past…” I whispered in her ear as I made my way to stand behind her. “..but this something I want to remember in the future.” I lifted up her hair and gently grazed my lips across the base of her neck.

I fought back the images flashing in my head of me slamming her against the door and taking her right there. I was struggling to control the animal growling deep inside me.

I dropped my hands down her back and undid the buttons on her nightgown. But I didn’t remove it from her. Not yet. I came around to stand in front of her and laid my hands gently on her shoulders. I stared deeply into her eyes, trying to give her one last chance, unspoken, to leave the room now.

She smiled slightly at me and reached up and rested her hands slightly on top of mine. After a few moments, I realized that she wasn’t going anywhere and no protests where coming. I slid my hands down her shoulders, taking her nightgown with them. I leaned in and kissed her again as the nightgown fell to the floor with a small plop. I raised my hands back up to her face and parted her lips slightly, teasing them with my tongue. She sighed and opened her mouth wider to me to deepen the kiss. I hung on by my fingernails pushing down at the animal growling in me again. Control was slipping very fast.

I stepped back slightly and broke the connection from her.

“Logan, don’t stop again. I couldn’t take i-..”

“Shhh.” I reached to take her hand and took a step back towards the bed. I tugged her hand harder than I probably should have, but it still had the desired effect – she was lying on top of me. I placed my hands at her waist. I was going to wait for her to take that final step. She was going to have to make it herself. She leaned forward bringing her face to mine and kissed me gently. I reached up with one hand and pulled her head closer to me, parting her lips with my tongue. She reached between us, made a few adjustments and brought her hips down towards mine. 

 

Over and over it played in my head. Sometimes exactly like that, other time letting the animal out and ravaging her, taking her right against the wall. But it always ended the same. Both of us shaken and depleted of energy.

I sighed and rolled over to face the door. If I kept this up, I would need another cold shower. No one had ever gotten to me like this. There were other women, but it was never, never like this with them. There was just something about Jean that made me want to settle down in one spot for longer than a night. To stop being a loner.

I shifted onto my back and stared at the ceiling. But what could I offer her? A life full of unknowns and nightmares? I sat up in the bed and dropped my head into my hands in frustration. She’d unknowingly gotten into his head, and it wasn’t taking any of her powers to do it.

“Dammit!” I yelled into the darkness, standing and burying my hand in the closet door. “This isn’t me. What am I talking about? Settling down?”

I need to stay focused and find out who I am, and what had happened to me. That’s it. Nothing, or no one, mattered. I rubbed the back of my hand and settled back into bed once more. Suddenly a voice, my voice, exploded in my head, a slight humming accompanying it.

_C'mon. You afraid you might like it?_

“Jean?” I spoke aloud.

_Afraid you might like….._

I could feel a sense of dread come over me. Uncontrollable. I realized that it wasn’t me. I wasn’t the one feeling the dread.

_Afraid you.._

“Jean??”

_Afraid._

_You._

_Might._

_Like._

_It._

I felt tears well up in her eyes and her voice pounded in my head. _Yes_. She whispered. _Yes, I am._

I closed my eyes and tried to shut her voice out of my head. I was back in the lab, strapped to a table. The drone of several voices filled my head.

_Logan_ _._

Someone reached up and adjusted the flow valve on the IV hanging above my head.

_Logan_ _._

Another person reached up with a scalpel and made a long incision down my chest.

_Logan_ _!_

I opened my eyes and saw Rogue’s face a few inches from mine. I couldn’t understand why she had the stunned look on her face. Reality came back to me and I glanced down at her chest. There were three pieces of metal plunged into her chest.

“Help,” I blurted out weakly in shock as I realized that I had run her through with my claws.

_Oh shit._

“Somebody help!” I managed to scream out.

 


End file.
